Jilling Off

Tonight someone I had been talking to online rang me to tell me he was coming over, to leave the front door ajar for him and to wait on a chair with my panties around my ankles and a vibe on my clit. So I did.

He played with me, had me suck his cock while I came from the vibrator a couple of times, then fucked me on my bedroom floor, ordering me to tell him every time I orgasmed, which I did half a dozen times, spasming around his cock while he grabbed my breasts hard.

Then he used my computer to go online and search for someone else to fuck me while he watches next time, as I sucked his cock. He fucked me again, so hard it felt like the room was shaking, and came all over my tits, ordering me not to wash it off until the morning. He left me lying on the bed still blindfolded, reminding me that I wouldn’t recognise him if I saw him on the street.

Tonight was really fantastic.

I ask him to tie me up and he does, swift knots expertly tied. He’s done this before. He takes my nipple in his mouth, sucking greedily, then pulls back and slaps my breast hard. I moan in pleasure, writhing under his body as he smacks me again and again, then shoves his fingers hard into my cunt. I come almost instantly, tremours shaking me all over, but he keeps going, working his fingers inside me, kissing me roughly, watching me twist and groan underneath him. He pulls his fingers out and abruptly slaps me on my cunt, laughing at my obvious pleasure.

“I love the way your pussy responds to me,” he says, kissing me again, beard rough on my face and neck and breasts. One hand pulls my legs apart again, and his fingers slide across my clit so that I come again. The other hand locks around my neck, choking me. I close my eyes and give in to the pleasure, surrendering completely to his control. I can no longer tell how many fingers he has in me or how many times I’ve come. Everything is just a blur of wave after wave of climaxes. This is exactly how I’ve always wanted it to be.

There’s been so much talk lately about what rape is, and who does it, and about the sanctity of rape victims, and how they often get violated again in the court process, so it’s both strange and gratifying to tell a story to your friends and have them state “that’s kind of rapey” even before you offer up all the excuses that you have – that you didn’t say no – although you could hardly breathe, let alone speak, that you’d told him you liked it rough, that you said you enjoyed being dominated, and your entire filthy persona – not to mention the enthusiasm that you’d greated him with earlier in the night. Because yes, you love to suck cock, but you don’t love it when a guy repeatedly shoves your head down. You _really_ don’t love it when he asks if you’re awake, and when you reply, he sits on your chest, pinning you to the bed, shoving his cock down your throat, grasping your head so tight that you can hardly move it, even when you gag, and your mouth fills with vomit, and he just thrusts harder and harder. And you feel helpless and hopeless, and you remember all your rape fantasies, and think that well yeah, maybe this is what you’re asking for, and you just try to make him finish quicker so that he’ll stop. And then, when he’s done, and you know you’re about to start crying, that’s when you curl into him so you can pretend it’s okay, that this was somemthing you wanted to do.

There is something immensely satisfying about having muscles that ache from having them up in the air as a boy thrusts into you, pounds his cock into you so hard that your head is pushed back off the pillows and slips between the bars of your headboard. He tells you that he wants to fuck you from behind so you get on your knees and he pushes deep, deep inside of you. He asks if you want to ride him so you can watch him looking up at you in awe. But really, what you want is him pushing down on you again, covering your body with his, filling your world, filling up your head as he fills your cunt. You haven’t been fucked this hard for a very long time and it is fantastic, to lie back, to watch him do all the work, to feel your whole body shake. The slap of his body against yours makes your vision go blurry and you run your fingernails down his back and when he speeds up, faster and faster, you twist his nipples so that he comes, groaning, moaning, so much louder and more tangible than previous partners.

And the buildup was so simple, so direct, and yet you still got tingles when his hands went around your waist. There are no complications here, if we exclude your emotional baggage, so yes, the thrill of the chase may be missing, but this might actually grow into something that’s real, something you can keep and not have to return at the end of each night. And if it doesn’t, there’s no harm done, and a damn good fucking had.