That is of course the superficial level of domination/sublimation, but unfortunately anything to do with sex has to go deeper. I like to think that I am amongst strong feminist women, so the idea that I want to be dominated and degraded does really not sit well with me as a feminist. I know there’s a difference between fantasy and reality though, and this is where I’m especially grateful to Dan Savage for explaining it so clearly:

Like many fetishes, his cuckold thing is most likely a subconscious erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. Think of women—hip, together, progressive, feminist women—who act out rape fantasies; think of the homos—hip, together, out homos—who dress up like soldiers, cops, firemen and other stereotypically violent homophobic types.

So women fear rape, yet some develop a fetish for it. Gay men fear violent homophobes, yet some dress up like violent homophobes. And what do many straight men fear? Being cheated on, of course, and dealing with that particular brand of sexual humiliation.

So yeah, I think if I was imagining people grabbing me the way they did when I was 12, if I was fantasizing about leather jerkins and tattoos on bare chests,then that would be really troublesome. If I want someone to pull my hair, call me a dirty slut and maybe spank me a little, I’m okay with that.

Turns out I’m a switch.

After I discovered Jill’s tendencies towards being dominated (something that surprised me) I started writing things to her like:

I let you roll you onto your back and reposition the pillows so that your pussy is still in the air. Just to be nice I suck your clit, running my tongue over it hard and fast. You almost cum straight away but I sense the orgasm start and break off, leaving you writhing and moaning.

This also surprised me, because normally I’d want to be on the recieving end of something like that.

Jill mentioned that I’m a feminist, and I am. Which I thought made dominant fantasies quite strange, until I remembered that they were all really about giving pleasure to the sub.

Anyway I’m going to leave these half-formed ideas and just hope you all enjoy reading my stories (some real, some not).

I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I’m a feminist.

So what does she do? Hires someone off Craigslist, of course, and then writes about it. It’s a hilarious story, and it also made me hot and bothered. Because it’s fantasy, it’s not real. And she remained in control. I can imagine that this is a piece that would bother a good number of people though.

Normal servicing should resume sometime soon.

And don’t even get me started on how FHM did a survey of their readers and discovered that they prefer size 12 women to size 8 women, and so an editor of Cleo was all “oh but it’s other women that women diet for”. Other women huh? Like, oh, I don’t know, the editors of magazines who make frequently use size 8 models in their editorial spreads?

I know Dan Savage would suggest that we fantasize about the things that scare us most, but I don’t think that’s a good enough explanation.

Please insert your thoughts here.