Jilling Off

It would be too easy to write about sex web sites, but yesterday I came across these mesmerizing animated gifs and I couldn’t help but share them. I’ll put them under a cut though just in case you’re dumb enough to be reading this at work. (more…)

I’ve started blogging for The Aucklandista! It’s tremendously exciting, as this means that I’m practically in the Wellingtonista, except that they make me do stories on Dogging.

Recently, Giant wrote that he was surprised that I have tendencies towards being dominated. I can get where he’s coming from – outwardly I’m a bossy, in control woman (I do PR for a living) but seriously, if you’re ordering minions, printers, caterers and stupid clients around all day, don’t you think that you’d want to come home and be able to switch off totally too?

That is of course the superficial level of domination/sublimation, but unfortunately anything to do with sex has to go deeper. I like to think that I am amongst strong feminist women, so the idea that I want to be dominated and degraded does really not sit well with me as a feminist. I know there’s a difference between fantasy and reality though, and this is where I’m especially grateful to Dan Savage for explaining it so clearly:

Like many fetishes, his cuckold thing is most likely a subconscious erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. Think of women—hip, together, progressive, feminist women—who act out rape fantasies; think of the homos—hip, together, out homos—who dress up like soldiers, cops, firemen and other stereotypically violent homophobic types.

So women fear rape, yet some develop a fetish for it. Gay men fear violent homophobes, yet some dress up like violent homophobes. And what do many straight men fear? Being cheated on, of course, and dealing with that particular brand of sexual humiliation.

So yeah, I think if I was imagining people grabbing me the way they did when I was 12, if I was fantasizing about leather jerkins and tattoos on bare chests,then that would be really troublesome. If I want someone to pull my hair, call me a dirty slut and maybe spank me a little, I’m okay with that.

I’ve linked to One D at a Time since the start of this site, and now I want to quote an article that Tracey wrote for Vice, since it’s a sentiment I agree with myself:

I blame my recurring rape fantasy on the fact that I’m a feminist.

So what does she do? Hires someone off Craigslist, of course, and then writes about it. It’s a hilarious story, and it also made me hot and bothered. Because it’s fantasy, it’s not real. And she remained in control. I can imagine that this is a piece that would bother a good number of people though.

Normal servicing should resume sometime soon.

One of the sites that I have been loving lately is Jezebel, with its tagline of “Celebrity, Sex, Fashion for women. Without airbrushing”. There’s gossip, but there’s feminism. There’s an editor nicknamed ‘Slut Machine’, but there’s also flashbacks to books that we read growing up. Jezebel has the traditional snark of sites owned by Gawker Media, but it felt really personal – read this one post as an introduction to all that is different about it if you need a primer.

So when I read the other day that it had been bought by CondeNet, I died a lot inside. Changes were apparent straight away when a letter from the new editor proclaimed that staff would now have a dress code: “I’ve always felt that sloppy dressing equals sloppy thinking.” She said she would concentrate more on the fashion and less on the political and I shook my fist at the ceiling and wailed. Then I read the comments and realised that it was April Fool’s Day. Just as well I wasn’t the only one who got fooled. But that brings me to my next point: I need to write about all my links, all the fantastic women who make the internet a better place for me.